Culture

People who should be killed, Part IX

I’ve been lax in characterizing groups of humans whom you should kill at your leisure, so here is the latest, in honor of all the silly lawsuits and lawsuits-in-waiting plaguing the fast food industry.

People who ask for special things to be done to their fast food.

I don’t mean “hold the onions” or “extra mayo, please.”  Such requests don’t retard the “fast” in fast food, not that I’ve noticed.

Instead, I refer to requests like: “Can you make that half Cherry Coke and half Orange soda, with three extra cups for the kids, ice in only one of them, and on one of the Quarter Pounders with Cheese, instead of mustard and catsup, can you put on some of that special sauce you use on Big Macs, and are those fries a new batch or have they been sitting around for a while, no sprinkles on the Frosty, for which I’ll need three spoons, and do you have any salads without croutons, you don’t, well, I’ll just pick them out, but I’ll need a couple of extra packets of Blue Cheese, your Blue Cheese has cheesy chunks in it, right, and can you give me a side of McNuggets — no sauce — with a knife so I can chop them up for the kids?”

To people who turn a trip to McDs into an experiment in personalization, I have words of advice:  try cooking, fucktard!  Otherwise, get the fuck out of line so the rest of us can eat.

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