New Zealand U.S. of A.

One more reason you won’t like living in New Zealand

I hate to disappoint my American friends, but you won’t like New Zealand because they aren’t really interested in military porn. They are savages, those kiwis. They think about things like peacefully coexisting with their neighbors, avoiding conflicts with folk who have nothing at all to do with their affairs. Obviously, they have a problem, what with their chronic capacity for military underachievement. Have you seen their tanks? Yugos, every last one of them. I think their missiles, if properly aimed, could reach — prepare yourselves — Tasmania, perhaps even Fiji. Scary, eh?

How do they survive? How can they possibly exist, let alone thrive? It’s a mystery with which you should not concern yourself. You’ll be bored to tears. God knows I am.

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